Megabuttmen
by Madhog thy Master
Summary: In this episode: Captain Kirk fights bad grammar and Internet clichès, D-X goes war, too many Avatars and Kratos goes to Ponyville... and many more!
1. All Your Kirk

**MEGABUTTMEN**

* * *

In some deep and mysterious 8-bit sounded part of the galaxy, the ever so proud Enterprise was carelessly flying around minding its own business…until a few noticeable explosions came around.

In the A.D. 2101, War was beginning!

"What happen!" Cried captain James Tiberius Kirk.

"Someone set up us the bomb!" Answered lieutenant Sulu; being Chinese, his hideous butchering of the English language passed unobserved. "We get signal!" He added.

"What!" His rather distressed white superior said in return.

"Main screen turn on!" As soon as the lieutenant yelled that, the very familiar image of Kirk's most hated arch-nemesis appeared on the screen. Needless to say, the captain was in shock!

"IT'S YOU!" He definitely was.

"How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us! You're on your way for destruction!" The feared Khan sounded as threatening as a drunk Irish man during St. Patrick day… therefore even drunker.

"What you say!?" Desperation was depicted in the eyes of the good captain.

"You have no chance to survive, make your time! HA HA HA!" And thus, the menacing speech of the vengeful one (who obviously learn to speak English from Sulu's teachers) ended quietly. Unable to contain his rage any longer, Kirk yelled all of his frustration out of his lungs.

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

Then the Enterprise exploded and everybody died.


	2. Obama sez

"Hi. I'm president Obama and I approve this message… that little Italian bastard can suck my dick!"


	3. Call of DX: Degenerated Warfare

**Setting**: somewhere in the most uncharted, and generic terrorists filled, region of the middle east, a courageous group of patriotic and proud American soldiers are courageously fighting for the supreme glory of their ideals… with courage!

**Soldier 1**: "Oh please, please, please, God, Buddha, Spongebob, G., anyone, please save my life! I don't wanna die! I wanna go home, with my beloved XboX and my secret DVD collection of Hentai anime!"

**Soldier 2**: "Aaaww, don't be such a wuss! What's the worst thing that could possibly happen? If you get killed you can always re-spawn ten seconds later at the beginning of the map! That's what Call of Duty taught us…"

**Soldier 1**: "Only a miracle can save us now!"

Suddenly, a green-painted tank fell off the sky, accompanied by a lousy theme song capably remixed in order to avoid copyright issues. Two figures comes out of the tank.

**Soldier 1**: "Ehi look, it's… it's… IT'S D-GENERATION X!!!"

**Triple H**: "Ehi terrorists… Are you ready?"

The generic terrorists didn't answer his question, perhaps due to the impressive entrance, or maybe just because they couldn't understand English.

**Triple H**: "NOOOOOO, I SAID: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaare Yooouuuuuuuuu Reaaaaaaaadyyyyyyy!!!"

Still no answer.

**Triple H**: "I'll take that as a yes!"

Thus begins the relentless bombing, while both members of D-X are busy making everyone notice their groins with obviously offensive gestures.

**HBK**: "And in case it wasn't clear enough, we have a huge penis!"

**Triple H: **"Ehi Shawn, look… that funny-looking terrorist guy with a belt full of grenades is trying to climb our tank! Maybe he wants to join D-X?"

**HBK**: "Big deal… everyone wants to join D-X! Maybe we should give him some of our T-shirts?"

**Triple H**: "I'm way ahead of ya, pal!"

With that said, The Game pointed a T-shirt-launching bazooka towards the now terrorized middle-easter and shot it right on his face.

**HBK**: "I like those shirts… were did you find them, again?"

**Triple H** (smiles at the camera): "Where everyone else finds them, Shawn… only at !"

**HBK**: "Say… these nasty enemies of Freedom are becoming quite annoying! Hunter… unleash, the H-Bomb!"

Within a diminishing grin and a few non-specific buttons, the tank's cannon prepares to shot the most devilish weapon known to man over the unlucky bunch of now fleeing Arabians.

**HBK**: "On my mark… ready, set… Blow'em to HELL!!!"

And thus, a very enthusiastic leprechaun holding a D-X flag in one hand and an American flag in the other, is launched towards the horizon, exploding in a very fourth of July fashion.

**Triple H**: "No one survives the H-Bomb… the Hornswoggle Bomb!"

**HBK**: "We have a huge penis!"

**Soldier 1**: "Help, help… your damn tank has landed on my fucking legs! Do something!"

**Triple H**: "Ouch… that gotta hurt."

**HBK**: "Son… there's nothing I can do for your legs… but I can tell to buy a copy of our latest book, "We're more man that you'll ever be"! Only on !"

**Soldier 1**: "It hurts… so much."

**Triple H** (looks at the camera): "And if you're not down with that, we got TWO WORDS FOR YA!!!"

**All the remaining American soldiers and already dead terrorists**: "SUCK IT!!!"

**Soldier 1**: "… gonna die…"

**Triple H**: "Yeah! That's the spirit!"

**Soldier 1**: "… dead."

**HBK**: "WE HAVE A HUGE PENIS!!!"

* * *

Dedicated to the legendary "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels and a wonderful tweanty-eight years career of kicking people's teeth down their throats.


	4. Avatar x Avatar

Previously on Avatar

* * *

Roku: "Aang, once again the balance of the elements has been disrupted by the greedy actions of a mad tyrant... A new destiny awaits you, young Avatar!"

Aang (all serious): "What is my mission, Avatar Roku?"

Roku: "You need to travel to a distant planet known as Pandora and save the ancient race of the Na'vi from certain doom!"

Aang (a little taken aback): "…. Come again?"

* * *

On Pandora

* * *

Aang: "You need to escape, or you will die… and stuff!"

Na'vi: "This is our home!"

Aang: "Alright, I'll save you then!"

Na'vi: "Thank you!"

Aang (unnecessarily cocky stance): "No sweat, buddy! I'm the Avatar… I'm just that awesome!"

* * *

Later

* * *

Aang (epic stance): "Alright guys, even though I'm now a super powerful godlike being that could destroy entire armies with a wave of my inexistent hair, I'm still gonna need your help on this one…. Soooo, Katara! Annoy the enemy to death with your motherly concerns… then use your forbidden blood bending technique to make them dance like little nerds on a Stargate convention!"

Katara: "Gotcha!"

Aang: "Zuko, enter your 'teenage angst' mode and go berserk over that bunch of spaceships!"

Zuko (visibly irritated): "What do you mean, 'teenage angst!"

Aang: "Suki, you and the rest of the Kyoshi warriors will improvise a Geisha-like kind of performance to distract and weaken the enemy soldiers… and also, could you put on these over-revealing outfits I've bought on the Internet?"

Suki: "You, sexist bastard!"

Aang: "Sokka, provide sarcastic remarks!"

Sokka (being sarcastic): "Yeeeaaahh, that'll really impress the opposition…"

Aang: "Toph…"

Toph: "Yes?"

Aang (sly face): "Don't you think the plants on this planet look particularly bright and colourful?"

Toph: "I am going to hurt you…"

Aang: "Alright, let's stop this non-specific villain and save those overgrown smurfs from certain doom!"

Sokka: "Hurray, woo-hoo, so happy to be here… I can't believe I agreed to do this."

* * *

Next time on Avatar

* * *

Aang: "I will defeat you and steal your money bending ability, Money Lord James Cameron!"

Money Lord James Cameron (Terminator version): "Get away from my movies, if you want to live!"

Roku (out of nowhere): "And so, the fight goes on…"


	5. My Little God of War

It was yet another joyous and carefree day in the fabled realm of Equestria and all the ponies in Ponyville were attending a very special ceremony in the middle of the town's square.

"Listen everyponies, we got a problem!" Said Twilight Sparkle, princess Celestia's prized pupil, from the slightly higher point she stood, like any main character when receiving the attention of less important people. "Due to yesterday's Applejack's 'corrected' apple juice party… "

"YAY! PARTIES ARE FUN!" Yelled Pinky Pie from the crowd, much to everyponies' annoyance.

"Yeah… right. As I was saying" resumed Twilight. "Because of some idiot's little cider-based prank…" She paused a second to give a deadly glare to little Spike the dragon, who was shying away at her side. "… Applejack's party was a complete and utter disaster! Thankfully, being the awesome organizer that I am…"

At that point, someone from the crowd whispered the words: "Pretentious Bitch."

"I was able to hire a last minute replacement to help everyponies with their daily chores. So, without any further ado, let's give a warm and fuzzy welcome to our brand new friend from the wonderful city of Sparta…. Kratos!"

With that said, a rather ominous theme with lyrics in ancient Greek began to play and a cinereous white half-naked bulky human with blood-red tattoos, a pair of chain-linked blades and a very, very, very angry expression, literally came out from the depths of the Hades - flames and everything.

Kratos just stood there, heavily breathing and intently staring at something with the most vicious and threatening face anything in the whole wide universe could possibly muster, as if waiting for something to happen.

"He looks mean." Commented Fluttershy, although she was barely audible.

"Yep.. strangest pony a' ever seen!" Added Applejack.

"Why does he look so… angsty?" Asked Rarity.

"Yeah, what's his problem!" Added Rainbow Dash.

"Oh don't you worry… he's just suffering from post-traumatic stress after slaughtering hundreds and hundreds of mythological creatures… nothing to be worried about!" Reassured the purple unicorn.

Kratos was still in his little, ultra-violent, world.

"OH! OH! I know… this calls for a PARTY! LET'S SING EVERYONE!" Began Pinky Pie.

At this point, Kratos snapped. "VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE!" And in one swift move of chained blade, Pinky Pie's newly severed head found itself circling in midair while still trying to intone a happy-go-lucky song about accursed Spartans and genocides.

Everyponies stared at the maddened, currently drooling Spartans in disbelief for about a second.

"Eh… I like him already!" Said Rainbow Dash.

Everyponies agreed and applauded.

"Okay, that was fun and all… but it's time to get back to work!" Twilight remarked; the words "bossy bitch" whispered by someone immediately after. "Okay, Kratos… show everyone what you can do."

"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Answered Kratos, before dashing to somewhere like a rabid wolverine on drugs.

"Aaahhhh… so energetic." Concluded the bossy bit- errr, I mean, the beautiful equine.

Theme Song:

_My Little Kratos, My Little Kratos_

_Ah… My Little Kratos_

_I Used to kill everything I hate_

_My Little Kratos_

_Until you all shared its magic with me_

_My Little Kratos_

_Big ass kill_

_Tons of gore_

_A beautiful heart (in my hand)_

_Bashful and strong_

_Sharing organs_

_It's an easy feat_

_And magic makes it all complete_

_Yeah, My Little Kratos_

_Do you know, I'm going to kill you_

Later.

"Oh hey, Kratos" Greeted Rainbow Dash. "I'm rounding up some clouds here… too bad you can't FLY like me!"

The testosterone-induced Spartan answered to that sentence by grabbing the flying equine, ripping her wings off in the goriest way possible and attaching them on his shoulders. Now Kratos could fly like a cute little Pegasus and slaughter the clouds.

Much later.

"Why hello there." Greeted Rarity. "Would you care helping me by wearing this clothes, I'm in desperate need of a male model."

The life-hating mass murderer began an exhausting quick-time event sequence in order to properly fit in those horrible girly clothes.

"Well… what do you think of them?" After asking that, Rarity's shop was set on fire with the poor pony left to burn inside. "Everyone's a critic." She commented.

The ashes of the equine's body glued themselves onto Kratos' flesh. He just became "The Ghost of Ponyville"!

Much, much later.

"Oh I can't wait to greet my little animal friends" Thought little innocent Fluttershy as she headed towards her favourite part of the woods.

When she arrived, Kratos had already finished eating them all.

Her cry of terror was so loud that the Spartan was forced into a technical retreat in order to avoid being turned into stone.

So much later.

A wings-deprived Rainbow Dash, a hundred-degree burnt Rarity (with her hair strangely intact though), a scarred for life Fluttershy, a very amused Applejack and a very concerned Twilight Sparkle stood in front of a blood-stained Kratos in the middle of town's square.

"Uhm… Kratos? This is not easy to say… we appreciate your efforts and everything, we know that you're trying your best…" Began the purple unicorn.

"HE TURNED ME INTO A FREAK!" Yelled the crippled unicorn.

"HE DIDN'T LIKE MY DRESSES!" Yelled the roasted horse, epically missing the point.

"…it's okay pretty bunny the head will grow back you'll see…" Rambled incoherently the shocked nutcase.

"He made ma' miserable life more enjoyable." Thought out loud the southern cow-pony.

Kratos looked genuinely puzzled.

Twilight continued: "What we're trying to say is… we can no longer accept your services for this community. I'm really, really sorry… but you're fired."

For a moment, it looked as if the howling mad Spartan was about to burst into an unprecedented fit of corpse-producing rage… but he ultimately end up crying like a baby and running away while yelling: "THE GODS OF OLYMPUS HAVE ABANDONED ME! NOW THERE IS NO HOPE!" And Kratos cast himself from the highest mountain in all Equestria.

"Uh… that was a bit harsh, Twilight-hun, don't cha think?" Said Applejack. "He didn't hurt nobody important, after all." Then everyone else beat the living scat out of her.

Epilogue.

"_Dear princess Celestia_," was writing Twilight Sparkle in her house_ "today I've learned a valuable lesson about Friendship: if you really love someone, you need to let him go to pursue his own path. I just received a letter from Kratos. He's going very well with his current job and I couldn't be happier for him (although I miss him a little) and I hope he can find his own happiness with this new promising career!_

_Today was a very good day in Ponyville, and I'm convinced that all of my pony friends have too learned something valuable about friendship._

_- Your beloved student, Twilight Sparkle."_

"Aaah… there is nothing like Friendship!" She said once she finished.

"You're still a bitch!" Someone yelled from outside.

"EHI!"

Meanwhile, on Shang Tzu's Island.

Kratos Wins! FATALITY!


End file.
